So here’s the deal. I just really love getting high.It doesn’t matter what it is. Anything that makes me feel outside myself. I’ll take as much of it as I can get. The word obsession is a very important word to me. Obsession is much bigger than being infatuated with something. Obsession is a thought that takes over all other thoughts.
When you’re hooked on dope, it is your obsession. Your love. Your one and only. It is a thought that overpowers everything. You don’t think about paying your bills, or your family. You don’t think about your sister, your best friend in the world pleading and crying and begging you to stop. You don’t care about being thrown in jail. You don’t think about eating, or drinking water. You just want to get high, and that’s all you think about.
It’s exhausting. I wouldn’t wish addiction upon anyone. You never forget it, it stays with you.
I have always been a strong person. I grew up in hardship. I am a fighter and I have stamina. But addiction was too powerful of a foe, I couldn't match up against it.
My bottom came when my mother was dying. We flew out to California for an emergency brain operation. The flight out there was awful. I was stuck in a tiny tube 36,000 feet in the air withdrawing harder than I ever have. The flight attendant stopped serving me because all I could do was drink to ease the pain. Those few days with my mother were my rock bottom. I couldn’t be there for her. My mother. This woman who sacrificed so much for me, and I let her down. Worst pain I have felt in my life.
My sobriety is and always will be my greatest achievement. The way I see it, if I can keep away from my drug a day at a time, I can do anything. What can possibly be harder than that? I’ve been through a lot, but I have yet to meet a challenge like getting sober.
The truth is, it gets easier. You need good people around you. Going one on one against addiction is foolish. You need support, you need people who will love you when you hate yourself. As time goes on, you will find that recovery is the greatest gift there is. Joy, peace, and serenity are there for your taking.
I’ve been sober almost 5 years. I’m 28. My mother is still alive and she tells me that I make her very proud.